i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
