there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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