I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
