he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
im on a boat
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