Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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