What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sober January is a disaster.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
