Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
