We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
