i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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