is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
