we made out on top of his cat.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
