why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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