i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
