go do what you do best...puke behind churches
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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