She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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