so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
