I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
