Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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