Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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