dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
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