Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize