I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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