All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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