wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
