i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize