I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
