It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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