So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
