I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
