She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
