I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
