Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
