Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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