hotel room ftw
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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