I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
