in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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