my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
