remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
