I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
