God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
