About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize