Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
