Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize