I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
