I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
