he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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