'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
