Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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