JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
