I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh god it's open bar.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
