He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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