im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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