so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize