Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
