babies were throwing up all over the place
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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