I just pynch a tree in the face
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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