Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
