i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
