you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
