so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
