Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
