apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
