finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
