You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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