My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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