i think i have herpe
just one?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
