i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
