Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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