Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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