every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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