Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
