he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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