Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
