We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
