Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
