You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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