He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The uberlube is also flammable
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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