would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize