Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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