I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
