Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize