do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
