where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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