Kiss
Puke
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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