How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
