He asked to "fluff my boner.."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
