So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize