just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
