things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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