Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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