I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
