I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who died my cat blue again?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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