There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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