What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
