I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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