3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
her vagine was all disorganized.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
