I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
