I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
