I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
