HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
