I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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