Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize