Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
