The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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