eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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