wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
