I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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