I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
