Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
