seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
