youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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