he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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